(Tell me why) I don't like Sundays

Since I was a child Sundays have filled me with dread, it is etched in my brain and after all these years I still dread Sundays. It started off being all my mothers doing but like any good woman Jennifer has picked up the reigns to maintain the torture.

In the 1970's we would visit my auntie Pat & uncle Billy every Sunday, where we would be forced to eat grown up food, food that had been laid out on a table, glass bowls containing mainly green stuff, I never had the green stuff it tasted like grass and why would I eat grass? My brothers and I steered clear of other dodgy food items such as sandwiches cut into triangles, pies, quiche, and lots of pickled vegetables like onions and beetroot.. I don't know if you can judge people by what they eat but uncle Billy is now auntie Billy...
One bowl and one plate however would always catch my eye, "crisps and chocolate," we would always dig into those but mother and auntie Pat would be watching like hawks, making sure we chose some grass flavoured things and had at least 2 triangle shaped sandwiches. I swear to this day the food we managed to bury in the back garden started to grow, we buried it every Sunday, deep too, so deep we could put our heads in the hole!
When we returned home my mother not content with our daily food intake would force us to eat jelly and combination's of jelly, jelly with fruit, jelly with condensed milk, jelly with jelly and her pride and joy especially if we had visitors would be a fish shaped jelly!

Once the jelly was finished it would be in the bath so mother could torture us with the pre-Monday washing of hair, it would inevitably leave my 2 brothers and I crying as she scrubbed hard! I don't think they did animal experiments in those days either because when you got that shampoo in your eyes it stung so bad, or was that just me?
After all that it would be bedtime, every Sunday and every day bed time was no later than 19:00, but Sunday was the worst day as it was just one big count down of chore, digging, chore and digging till bed time.
 

                                     Great childhood memory, Amazin raisin and Toffo's

So where does Jennifer come into this? She does exactly the same, she has her rituals, we visit her parents, they feed the kids, we go home Jennifer feeds the kids, she gets them ready for bed and then that's it Sunday is over and I am left dreading work next day just like I dreaded school.

Last Sunday I dug my heels in and surprisingly Jennifer gave in without a fight, she said "fine we will do what you want to do, I will leave it with you"!
Sunday was upon us and I was up early to start the new regime, so was Jennifer! I hadn't banked on her thinking that me taking over the weekend duties would mean she would be free to do what she wanted to do, namely go shopping with her friends followed by lunch in town..
What do I do know, I cried! "Whatever you have planned," came the reply! Just before the door shut I heard her shout "you do what you want every Sunday so why should this one be different!"
I wasn't going to be beaten, I headed off with the kids to the park, visited Jennifer's parents had some dinner and just about managed to get back before Jennifer.
"Nice day" I inquired? "Lovely thank you", "what have you been up to", me? "I took the kids to the park, visited your parents, went to the pub for a quick half with your brother and dad,  watched the football, and had a lovely tuna salad when we got back to your mothers. Oh and I have just put the kids to bed. I said all of this like a man who was independent and proud of it.

"I thought you were going to do something different this weekend" she said!

Alex

Another day in paradise

The first thing I noticed today was the weather and how it had gone from a barmy spring like day yesterday to a more uniformed overcast day today. The second thing I noticed was Jennifer's mood, I think it is linked to the weather!

I noticed the change in mood at breakfast, we normally eat whilst trying to get out of the door. I can usually be seen with with a slice of toast in my mouth, keys in one hand, laptop bag in the other, phone wedged between my shoulder and cheek whilst using a specially trained tool from my armoury, my foot, it is now after all these years of training fundamentally a third hand used for opening and wedging doors open.
Jennifer is similar to me but less clumsy, which is a surprise as she doesn't have a specially trained third hand. She is though obviously aware of my special powers as she allows me to trip, slip and clear the path as she walks a couple of paces behind me eating some sort of fruit or cardboard looking snack.

This morning however was different, no fruit, no cardboard.... She was in front of me too, shouting at me to hurry up as she seemed to deliberately close every door in my path! I think it could be that she doesn't know how to use her foot like I do, I must ask her if she would like me to give her some tips. This situation gave my third hand a great workout and I reckon the next time the local has its "Caribbean limbo night" I should enter, the winner gets a 12 month supply of Malibu.
 
The mood hasn't changed all day, as I type this blog I can see her pretending everything is okay with the staff in the office, I know it isn't.
I have now worked out what the problem is, it came to me in the car and after some research on the internet my conclusion was confirmed, she is suffering from SAD! Seasonal Affective Disorder, she has all the symptoms, happy yesterday when it was spring like, moody today when it is overcast and cold.

I have decided to remedy this and book us a holiday. I will do this tomorrow by going into town taking Jennifer with me, that should cheer her up a little and once booked I am sure she will be positively glowing.

I am really pleased with myself as this plan should get me out of the painting which I promised to start tomorrow. We have had more than one disagreement about this over the last couple of months, it led to an argument last night! Jennifer had the nerve to say "I wouldn't start it", "you have been promising to do it for months" and the real hurtful comment, "you have no intention to start, you never have"!

I know I promised to start painting tomorrow, but surely Jennifer will see that I am not doing it to cure her of SAD..

Alex

All was well until

I am walking around the office talking about the new blog, how it is going to expose the wife's impatience of my impatience.
I am feeling rather pleased with myself because I have written a page on the blog like I said I would, and guess what, Jennifer hasn't managed to put a single line down on paper, so in my books she is at least a week away from getting anything up on here.
Jennifer hasn't become ruffled or even broke into a writing panic, she just keeps muttering something about quality over quantity and that some people are busy trying to earn a living! I make a mental note to have a chat with her later as I think she isn't factoring "fun time" into her day. 

In a moment of total boredom, between clients and still reveling in one-up-manship I thought I would have a little surf of the world wide web. What did I expect to find? "Entertainment and intrigue", what did I find? Monkey's who urinate on themselves to attract lady monkey's!

In a moment of boyish enthusiasm I rushed into Jennifer's office to show off my wonderful and oh so interesting find on the internet, what I hadn't bargained for was Jennifer to be in consultation with two rather weepy clients who I had bumped her way because I was too busy!

I am in the "bad book" and by the look on the clients faces I will be lucky to not be branded a complete mental case to the wider public.

If you're interested in the article it can be found here from the reputable BBC, http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_9404000/9404757.stm

I'm off home now, I hope the "fun time" chat goes down well with Jennifer.....


Alex

This is the start of something new.....

So here we are, the marriage guidance gurus with the perfect marriage!

I'm Alex, 45 and rather annoyed with the world in general. Although I think I hide my annoyances extremely well my nearest and dearest often points out that I am actually "frothing at the mouth with such spiteful resentment it would turn milk".
I personally think she exaggerates at every given opportunity giving us grounds for some rather illuminating and somewhat differing opinions of the world. 
I guess I would like to take a moment to say that I love my wife, well I do when she isn't sitting in the car or shopping! Thinking of it now I am not at all loving when she invites her excitable family for dinner.
 
This blog will build a picture of our daily lives, the arguments, the differing opinions, the kids, the in-laws, driving, shopping and everything else that brings us to a difference of opinion. The story will be funny for the 3rd party (that's you). We will be offering you both sides of the story allowing you the reader to form an opinion which can be shared with us.
I hope you become subscribers to our world and offer your thoughts, as long as you side with me of course...

My lovely wife Jennifer will post her preamble in the next few days, I cant wait, I am sure I can see her writing stuff on a pad now!

Welcome to the world of Him and Her

Alex