What can you buy for 59p?

The events that unfolded from the installation of an Apple 59p app has been nothing short of spectacular and has provided me with a lot of "laughter time" as I have recited the story to anyone that will listen!

The story began with me discovering that the "facetime" app was available in the app store, my eyes lit up at the thought of trying this out. Without delay I called my brother who happened to be at my parents,  my dad owns a Mac, I'm now thinking win, win! It soon became clear that my parents were not at home, undeterred I eagerly voiced my excitement of installing "face time" and asked him if he could install it on dad's Mac.   
He could and he did, the app worked wonderfully and we face timed for 30 minutes checking out and marveling in the ability to see each other as we spoke!

The story now moves on:
I am sitting at home with my Macbook, Jennifer has gone for a shower, with the aim of going to bed straight after. "BORED!" What can I do it is only 22:00 and I am wide awake, hours before I am going to feel tired I'm sure!
Pow! It hits me, I wonder, will Dad be up at his computer, will he??
I open "facetime" and dial "Dad," it rings, it is still ringing, damn, he can't be at his computer! No! Hold on the picture flickers and there he is, glasses on sitting in his dressing gown!
His face is now looking hard at the screen in bewilderment, he can see me on his monitor but it is obvious he has no idea why I am there or how I have come to be there either! I can't stop laughing at his reactions, has he stumbles for words, "is that you," "Alex what the hell are you doing on my computer," why are you laughing," "why can I hear you!"
After a couple of minutes of uncontrollable merriment the mood calmed down to a more sober admiration of the tech again. "It's good isn't it dad," "yes it is, I like it son" and general chit chat ensued.

20 minutes of general chit chat must have rolled by when I noticed my dad's face, he looked quizzical, he had stopped talking, even on my screen I could see that he was looking behind me, I in turn turned to look behind me and oh my god!

There was Jennifer standing by the mirror brushing her hair, TOTALLY NUDE and my dad could see her!!!
I didn't know what to do, I sat there mouth wide open, she said "what are you doing," I couldn't speak, I moved the Macbook, it was obvious that there was something wrong with me in the way I snatched at it, my dad's face whizzed past me, he was looking at me as the laptop flew round 180 degrees.
"What are you doing," she said, now she was quizzical!
Horror! The worst thing that could have happened, happened! My dad said, "Alex was that Jennifer..Naked?" Jennifer realized what was happening in a flash....
The next hour was painful for me, I tried to console her, "he didn't see you naked, I pleaded."
She didn't believe me and still doesn't but now a day or so has passed the horror that Jennifer felt knowing my dad was looking at her naked has eased. This is great news I can now tell the story at every opportunity with only a mild look of disapproval from Jennifer..

Alex

She has only gone and done it!

Oh my god, Jennifer has gone and done it, she has blogged!!

Not only has she blogged but she has started her own blog, Jennifer refers to it as the "sister blog,"
I call it the "enemy within blog!" I mean why start an independent, what's the game plan? There must be one, I would have one, so she must have one too...

I can see where this is going, I knew as soon as she sent me the link! It smacks of CRTL+C, CRTL+V, which funnily enough the BBC ran a story on today.

Plagiarism, that's what it is! If it wasn't for the fact that we haven't got any money I would be online now looking for a good solicitor, one that specializes in copyright theft, identify theft and any other thefts I could throw in the mix.

This is war in my eyes, just like blu-ray V HD dvd, Windows V Mac and I know what side I'm on, I'm on my side!
Knowing which side my bread is buttered I am putting the link to the sister blog on here, some might think I am coward, others weak but I know that if I prefer my crown jewels to remain in place this is the best course of action!

Now here is the cunning plan fellow readers, I post the link and you decide whether to click or not to click!
Having studied NLP as part of my counseling role I know that I have already planted the message, the rest is up to you, don't let me down my crown jewels rely on your subconscious, now that is a thought! 

So here it is http://theirnotsoperfectmarriage.blogspot.com can you see what she has done there?
Leave me a comment and let me know what you think of Jennifer's blog...

Alex

Information overload

Gadgets, I love my gadgets! I don't know where I would be without my collection of shiny, ergonomic technical lovelies.
They organize my days, open windows into new worlds and more importantly make me feel like I am top of my game.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to get my hands on and play around with the new Kindle, a piece of kit that has seemed to pass me by, how did this happen! It is a great bit of technology, so slim, so functional and in my eyes down right sexy. It has the capacity to hold 3500 books, you can have newspapers sent to you, read it in glaring sunshine (which is always handy in Birmingham) how did I miss this, how have I wandered around in my techno world not knowing I could have this? That's it I have been wondering without purpose, I must be slipping.....
I made a calendar appointment for myself immediately bumping two sets of clients to Jennifer, she appeared free in her calendar, she always does as she keeps a written record!  With my now free time I fired up the macbook and looked to update or download something, something that would make my life easier, give me my comfort blanket back!

It didn't take me long to find the thing I was looking for, an online calendar that holds all public holidays and can be synced to my phone! This is a must have, I will never miss another thing again. I have never known the date of Good Friday, Mothers Day, Easter or any of the numerous public holidays that happen out of the blue. Well that isn't going to happen again, I now have my calendar updated with all public holidays set to warn me 1 week, 2 days and 1 day prior to the event, I'm up to speed.
I am going to be one step ahead of Jeniffer too, who takes great pleasure in being really annoyed that I forgot another public holiday was upon us, like I said it isn't so much forgetting it is just not knowing!

Last night my first alarm sounded warning me that an event was on the horizon, it woke both of us! I managed to mute the phone and go back to sleep, two minutes later the phone lit up the room as another reminder came in, I lay there thinking this must be a busy public holiday month, how close was I to missing these dates! Jennifer however was not impressed with the fact I had 24x7 data streams finding their way to my phone and warned me one more interruption would find me in the spare room with my phone! 
Now here is the dilemma, do I turn off my link to the outside world or leave it on in case something happens out there that I am either needed for or I need to know? I am still strangely disturbed that I wasn't aware that Michael Jackson had passed away until 10 hours after the tragic event, I vowed at the time I would never be left out of the loop again!
I couldn't believe it two minutes pass and the phone lights the room up again! This time Jeniffer is upright in bed "off or out!" It was a no brainer, I was out of there with my phone...

This morning I woke up to find my back ached and my eyes gave away the sleepless night checking my phone just in case something was happening I should be aware of. How did this happen?
I remember, it was the updates to my new calendar, I need to check that I thought, and that was all I remember thinking until I bolted out of bed, I'm late! Damn no! I called out "Jennifer," nothing, she must be down stairs. I raced to get ready that is when I looked at the time on my phone 04:45! I'm not late, but I see daylight and hear traffic running! I ran downstairs phone in hand rattling through the menu to find my appointments for the day, nothing not one appointment, this can't be right, surely?
I arrived in the kitchen to silence, one thing caught my eye, Jennifer's naughty note stuck to the fridge! They are bright yellow stickies and it contained writing!
"Alex, you kept me up all night, couldn't wake you and couldn't wait for you either. I have the car you will need to get yourself a taxi or get the train but be in the office for 10:30 for your first appointment."
I gazed at my phone in disbelief not only had it managed to keep me awake most of the night it had also failed to wake me up at my usual time! On closer inspection I had several calendar reminders waiting for me and the time on my phone according to clock in the kitchen was 8 hours out!
I opened my first calendar reminder, "Mardi Gras New Orleans 08-03-2011," "Romania Spring Festival 01-03-2011!" That calendar I had downloaded and synced to my phone was a world calendar of events synced to eastern US time, it didn't appear to have one UK event, although it could do I just don't know where to look as I still don't know when Mothers day falls....
I stumbled into the office having missed my first two appointments, back aching, tired eyes, several ££'s lighter from the taxi but safe in the knowledge that it is Mardi Gras next week. Enjoy it New Orleans......

Alex

(Tell me why) I don't like Sundays

Since I was a child Sundays have filled me with dread, it is etched in my brain and after all these years I still dread Sundays. It started off being all my mothers doing but like any good woman Jennifer has picked up the reigns to maintain the torture.

In the 1970's we would visit my auntie Pat & uncle Billy every Sunday, where we would be forced to eat grown up food, food that had been laid out on a table, glass bowls containing mainly green stuff, I never had the green stuff it tasted like grass and why would I eat grass? My brothers and I steered clear of other dodgy food items such as sandwiches cut into triangles, pies, quiche, and lots of pickled vegetables like onions and beetroot.. I don't know if you can judge people by what they eat but uncle Billy is now auntie Billy...
One bowl and one plate however would always catch my eye, "crisps and chocolate," we would always dig into those but mother and auntie Pat would be watching like hawks, making sure we chose some grass flavoured things and had at least 2 triangle shaped sandwiches. I swear to this day the food we managed to bury in the back garden started to grow, we buried it every Sunday, deep too, so deep we could put our heads in the hole!
When we returned home my mother not content with our daily food intake would force us to eat jelly and combination's of jelly, jelly with fruit, jelly with condensed milk, jelly with jelly and her pride and joy especially if we had visitors would be a fish shaped jelly!

Once the jelly was finished it would be in the bath so mother could torture us with the pre-Monday washing of hair, it would inevitably leave my 2 brothers and I crying as she scrubbed hard! I don't think they did animal experiments in those days either because when you got that shampoo in your eyes it stung so bad, or was that just me?
After all that it would be bedtime, every Sunday and every day bed time was no later than 19:00, but Sunday was the worst day as it was just one big count down of chore, digging, chore and digging till bed time.
 

                                     Great childhood memory, Amazin raisin and Toffo's

So where does Jennifer come into this? She does exactly the same, she has her rituals, we visit her parents, they feed the kids, we go home Jennifer feeds the kids, she gets them ready for bed and then that's it Sunday is over and I am left dreading work next day just like I dreaded school.

Last Sunday I dug my heels in and surprisingly Jennifer gave in without a fight, she said "fine we will do what you want to do, I will leave it with you"!
Sunday was upon us and I was up early to start the new regime, so was Jennifer! I hadn't banked on her thinking that me taking over the weekend duties would mean she would be free to do what she wanted to do, namely go shopping with her friends followed by lunch in town..
What do I do know, I cried! "Whatever you have planned," came the reply! Just before the door shut I heard her shout "you do what you want every Sunday so why should this one be different!"
I wasn't going to be beaten, I headed off with the kids to the park, visited Jennifer's parents had some dinner and just about managed to get back before Jennifer.
"Nice day" I inquired? "Lovely thank you", "what have you been up to", me? "I took the kids to the park, visited your parents, went to the pub for a quick half with your brother and dad,  watched the football, and had a lovely tuna salad when we got back to your mothers. Oh and I have just put the kids to bed. I said all of this like a man who was independent and proud of it.

"I thought you were going to do something different this weekend" she said!

Alex

Another day in paradise

The first thing I noticed today was the weather and how it had gone from a barmy spring like day yesterday to a more uniformed overcast day today. The second thing I noticed was Jennifer's mood, I think it is linked to the weather!

I noticed the change in mood at breakfast, we normally eat whilst trying to get out of the door. I can usually be seen with with a slice of toast in my mouth, keys in one hand, laptop bag in the other, phone wedged between my shoulder and cheek whilst using a specially trained tool from my armoury, my foot, it is now after all these years of training fundamentally a third hand used for opening and wedging doors open.
Jennifer is similar to me but less clumsy, which is a surprise as she doesn't have a specially trained third hand. She is though obviously aware of my special powers as she allows me to trip, slip and clear the path as she walks a couple of paces behind me eating some sort of fruit or cardboard looking snack.

This morning however was different, no fruit, no cardboard.... She was in front of me too, shouting at me to hurry up as she seemed to deliberately close every door in my path! I think it could be that she doesn't know how to use her foot like I do, I must ask her if she would like me to give her some tips. This situation gave my third hand a great workout and I reckon the next time the local has its "Caribbean limbo night" I should enter, the winner gets a 12 month supply of Malibu.
 
The mood hasn't changed all day, as I type this blog I can see her pretending everything is okay with the staff in the office, I know it isn't.
I have now worked out what the problem is, it came to me in the car and after some research on the internet my conclusion was confirmed, she is suffering from SAD! Seasonal Affective Disorder, she has all the symptoms, happy yesterday when it was spring like, moody today when it is overcast and cold.

I have decided to remedy this and book us a holiday. I will do this tomorrow by going into town taking Jennifer with me, that should cheer her up a little and once booked I am sure she will be positively glowing.

I am really pleased with myself as this plan should get me out of the painting which I promised to start tomorrow. We have had more than one disagreement about this over the last couple of months, it led to an argument last night! Jennifer had the nerve to say "I wouldn't start it", "you have been promising to do it for months" and the real hurtful comment, "you have no intention to start, you never have"!

I know I promised to start painting tomorrow, but surely Jennifer will see that I am not doing it to cure her of SAD..

Alex

All was well until

I am walking around the office talking about the new blog, how it is going to expose the wife's impatience of my impatience.
I am feeling rather pleased with myself because I have written a page on the blog like I said I would, and guess what, Jennifer hasn't managed to put a single line down on paper, so in my books she is at least a week away from getting anything up on here.
Jennifer hasn't become ruffled or even broke into a writing panic, she just keeps muttering something about quality over quantity and that some people are busy trying to earn a living! I make a mental note to have a chat with her later as I think she isn't factoring "fun time" into her day. 

In a moment of total boredom, between clients and still reveling in one-up-manship I thought I would have a little surf of the world wide web. What did I expect to find? "Entertainment and intrigue", what did I find? Monkey's who urinate on themselves to attract lady monkey's!

In a moment of boyish enthusiasm I rushed into Jennifer's office to show off my wonderful and oh so interesting find on the internet, what I hadn't bargained for was Jennifer to be in consultation with two rather weepy clients who I had bumped her way because I was too busy!

I am in the "bad book" and by the look on the clients faces I will be lucky to not be branded a complete mental case to the wider public.

If you're interested in the article it can be found here from the reputable BBC, http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_9404000/9404757.stm

I'm off home now, I hope the "fun time" chat goes down well with Jennifer.....


Alex

This is the start of something new.....

So here we are, the marriage guidance gurus with the perfect marriage!

I'm Alex, 45 and rather annoyed with the world in general. Although I think I hide my annoyances extremely well my nearest and dearest often points out that I am actually "frothing at the mouth with such spiteful resentment it would turn milk".
I personally think she exaggerates at every given opportunity giving us grounds for some rather illuminating and somewhat differing opinions of the world. 
I guess I would like to take a moment to say that I love my wife, well I do when she isn't sitting in the car or shopping! Thinking of it now I am not at all loving when she invites her excitable family for dinner.
 
This blog will build a picture of our daily lives, the arguments, the differing opinions, the kids, the in-laws, driving, shopping and everything else that brings us to a difference of opinion. The story will be funny for the 3rd party (that's you). We will be offering you both sides of the story allowing you the reader to form an opinion which can be shared with us.
I hope you become subscribers to our world and offer your thoughts, as long as you side with me of course...

My lovely wife Jennifer will post her preamble in the next few days, I cant wait, I am sure I can see her writing stuff on a pad now!

Welcome to the world of Him and Her

Alex